To the Mamas- new or in the middle of it

I now have three little boys in my house. THREE BOYS. I grew up with three older brothers and I keep reminding myself that God has prepared me for such a time as this, right? I feel absolutely incapable most days despite researching everything a billion times over. I'm a planner after all. If I had a choice of how my life would have looked it wouldn't be exactly the three boys thing, but hey, if I've learned anything over the last few years it's that God's plan is good and He gives good things. And to answer all the usual questions about having all boys.. yes I absolutely adore being a boy mom and no we aren't going to be "trying" for a girl.

With your firstborn, you go in hearing all sorts of things. You get the negative sayings that come back after saying how exhausting pregnancy has been for you—the "oh just you wait till the baby is here—you'll never sleep the same again" and the annoyed faces some mamas give chasing their toddlers down the hall saying "oh just you wait till you can never have a full conversation again." Those kinds of comments drove me absolutely nuts. Yes, I get it's gonna be really hard, but I felt like yelling out—can someone please shine a light for me?!

Here's a few quick "can you please shine the light for me, Cassi" moments for the new or expecting mom:

• You, mama, are literally being changed from the inside out- you aren't meant to be exactly the same as you were before. You will start to feel some kind of "normal" again though, I promise.

• Those first few weeks with a newborn are truly HARD, but you know what, I've done it three times now and the hard honestly fades into sweet bliss of beautiful smooshy faces and wonderful snuggles. Literally just put a brick wall in your brain to forget the hard because it does get better.

• There is something about the middle of the night feeds when the baby is out of that hard newborn phase where it's just you and baby and the house is quiet and everything is quiet except for your handsome hubby snoring in the other room and baby eating and it feels like you just won the jackpot of beautiful blessings.

• The feeling when your little one is crying and you go to comfort them and they hug you back- the best feeling

• Oh and when you tell them "I love you" for three years straight and they finally are saying "I love you too mama" it's completely heart melting

Just because being a mom is hard doesn't mean it's bad. I want to shine that light of how beautiful motherhood can be, but sometimes you have to talk about the hard to get to the beauty, so stick with me, k?

My oldest boy is now 3 1/2 years old. I love all my boys with everything I've got, but they each stretch you in different ways. I remember trying to get my first boy Tucker to sleep in his toddler bed for the first time (he was 18 months old at the time). The back and forth for hours at a time for naptime made me fall to my knees feeling so helpless and out of control. My mind started spiraling towards negative thoughts and how I was such a bad mom. I was pregnant with my second boy about to pop any day and I didn't know how on earth I could juggle two boys. There I was standing outside my toddlers door with tears rolling down my cheeks. My stomach was growling because I missed even really eating anything because I was used to sneaking in some food once he went down for a nap. I was crying out to God that he would help give me wisdom because I was out of ideas and I prayed that He would give me patience... I didn't want to fail at being mom, I didn't want to have a toddler with the title "naughty" whispered after his name every time someone talked about us, I didn't want.... OK I'll stop there. Do you see what's going on? I felt out of control and when I got to the bottom of everything I was worried about what other people thought of how I parented my kid. Hi, it's me a recovering people pleaser. God brought me to me knees and this was where I really woke up with parenting- I cannot control everything and I sure cannot make my toddler sleep. So I kind of landed on (1) putting a lock on our toddlers door so I knew he was safe and then I could eat and take care of myself for a few minutes too (2) listening to worship music so everyone could calm down (3) always ALWAYS being consistent with what you said you would do. The kid eventually slept... it wasn't on my timeline, but we got into a rhythm and we figured it out for what was best for MY toddler, not whatever every blog on Pinterest had to say about toddler sleep.

Feeling out of control really.. well sucks. You can't do anything to make the situation better- or can you? I vote that you can. How? You can control YOU. When you're at your end and you finally remember to pray- the best feeling thinking to yourself "why on earth couldn't I think of this sooner". You might be thinking that prayer is the most Sunday School answer I could ever say, but I have felt really hard moments with my kiddos get turned around in a split second with the simple prayer of "Jesus help me" because it helping me realize that I'm not truly in control and God is the One who comforts and helps. It helps me put into perspective too that I am placed in my child's life by the God of heaven to teach them and shepherd their little hearts. The hardest thing for me to learn was not letting their little uncontrolled emotions throw my emotions out of control. With practice it was something that I slowly got better with handling and realizing that it doesn't have to be perfect. Progress is better than perfection.

They are growing and changing and you grow and change with them. The transformation that has happened in my heart and life is huge since having kiddos. I'm not even talking like just learning how to take care of kids and play with them (though I was terrified of learning that new territory). I'm talking about learning how to discipline your child in a godly way & help them realize they are little sinners that need help from God, and then teaching them about Jesus and demonstrating Him in the everyday to them in real ways of worship and prayer, kindness and gentleness, leading and discipline with forgiveness. It's something that you must give yourself grace because you won't be able to get it right every time.

I've heard it said that if you are afraid of being a good parent you already are a good parent. Bad parents aren't worried about the success of their parenting and they sure aren't reading things like this to get some encouragement on the subject. So keep up the good work. The only way we can truly thrive in parenting and enjoy the wild ride I've found is when we lean into the hard realizing it's not all on our shoulders when our Good Shepherd is near (Psalm 23). So far it seems every year older the child gets there's always something new to figure out.

If you're looking for a godly podcast to listen to about parenting I recommend:

Parenting with Ginger Hubbard

Parenting with Ginger Hubbard on Spotify